Sep 1, 2009

My Mezuzah is Gone.

I'm devastated. Just devastated.

When I converted to Judaism in 2006 (via Reform auspices), my congregation gave me a beautiful basket of goodies to get me started on the derekh. There were candlesticks, candlestick holders, a bottle of Kedem grapejuice, all the fixins for a proper Shabbos. And most importanty was the gift they gave me with the basket -- a mezuzah.

You'll remember the mezuzah. It was beautiful, pewter, and it had adorned so many doors of mine throughout the past three years. I loved that mezuzah. I know that it's got to be somewhere in Evan's house, mixed in with my books or storage or the Judaica, but I can't find it, and it makes me want to cry. I've looked in every knook and cranny, every space that I could have stored it for safe-keeping. It was the last item I removed from my dorm last year when I moved out. That mezuzah means so much to me. I want to hang it on my doorpost at school, because my room feels naked without it, but I can't find it and as a result I'm feeling pretty down.

My initial reaction to losing the mezuzah was that maybe it's a sign. After all, my path has continued to extend itself into the horizon. I have rejected or denied my Reform past, but rather I've built new and different stepping stones through Conservative Judaism and on into Orthodox Judaism. Is losing my mezuzah, a gift after my Reform conversion, a sign that I'm really ready? I'm ready to accept the 613 mitzvoth? To live my life as a Torah-observant Jew? That maybe I need a new mezuzah to fit my new shoes?

I know some of you will say I'm nuts. Signs shmines. And maybe you're right. But knowing how important this mezuzah was to me makes me wonder why it would up and disappear. I checked the places I know I would have put it, but it just vanished.

I guess I'll have to call up Chabad and get a mezuzah for my door. Its generic and plain, but it's something. After all, I suppose the cosmetic appeal of the mezuzah isn't as important as it's fixture. I need that separation of space that the mezuzah brings.

13 comments:

gruven_reuven said...

Was it Kosher? Maybe it was a sign. You know Elul is the month we should check our Meszuzot to see if they are Kosher

Mottel said...

Thoughts similar to GR's comment came to mind when i read your post as well.

Devorah said...

I bet it wasn't kosher.... just G-d's way of letting you know. Go buy another one and make sure it's the best you can buy (not the covering, the actual parchment I mean)...
Shana Tova!

Chaviva said...

You guys make a really good point. I hadn't thought about that. You know, Tuvia has a relative with an interesting story about a bad mezuzah and the rebbe. Maybe he'll share it on his blog sometime.

Whatever was the problem. I miss the beautiful little mezuzah. B"H, the Chabad rabbi on campus has one waiting for me.

Aliza "La Jewminicana" Hausman said...

Great post, girl. Great post. I definitely think that G-d sends us signs. I think it's how you interpret them that matters. And it sounds like you interpreted it well, this is a sign of change to come, of new beginnings, of a new mezuzot (can I tell you that I have 5 that don't have good homes). Please keep up the awesome posts.

Anonymous said...

Im with you chaviva, I think it's a sign to say on wards and up wards for you! That may mean it wasn't kosher and now you're only ready for kosher, but definately that you have closesd the door on the past to 100% live in the now.

On a side note, I love those holders that are see through so you see the actual parchment

Tuvia said...

When I started reading this post it made me really think about that it was a sign from Hashem that you were ready.

Then I read Reuven's comment and it really made me think also. I remember us looking at the scroll last year after we took it off. We at first thought it might not have been a kosher scroll but then realized it was definitely hand written (doesn't mean it was kosher though).

I actually thought about my cousin's story with Reuven's comment as well.

Either way I definitely say we take it as a sign from Hashem that you are ready for the next stepping stone.

Mikeinmidwood said...

I can understand how you feel, I wouldnt want to lose my menorah.

Mezuzah said...

Mezuzah is one of the things that connects all Jewish people.

Joseph said...

Growing up we had very small and thin mezuzahs. Twenty years later, when I had them checked, it turned out they were faker than a laser-printed dollar bill and the writing was cartoonish/sloppy (probably written by an arab girl which I've heard about).

The strange part was that my father, who is honest to a fault, insisted that a Lubavitcher had checked them and okayed them years earlier.

I have since learned that a kosher mezuzah really vcan't be too small or thin and will cost at least $50 probably.

Chaviva said...

@Joseph Kosher scrolls are SO expensive. Blows my mind sometimes. Luckily, we've found someone to help us out with getting a bunch, kosher, for a good price. PHEW. And they WILL be kosher, because you know I will check them, too :)

Joseph said...

>Kosher scrolls are SO expensive.<

Welcome to the frum world! ;) / :(

Rabbi Askotzky said...

The original mezuzah you received likely either had no scroll or just a photocopy. The case serves only to protect the scroll and enhance the beauty of the commandment. The scroll is the real mezuzah! Fortunately, you should now have a proper kosher scroll!

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