I'm so frustrated I could cry.

Well folks. Chavi isn't going to Israel. No Birthright, no Israel.

Aish has two trips open -- one July 21-30 and one August 11-21. Thanks, Aish. Thanks for pushing me all the way back. For forgetting about me and then giving me the only options you have left.

The matter of it is, I start school on August 25. My assistantship starts on August 23. I am leaving to move to Connecticut (which will take me about two days driving, it's a nearly 15 hour trip) early to mid-week of August 11. My last day of work will likely be August 8.

Thus, I can't say "By the way, can I take nearly two weeks off and then come back to work for a week and then quit?" Because that won't happen. There will be someone to train, and there will be me training said person. It cannot be approved. Likewise, I can't make the August 11-21 trip work, because, well, I have to MOVE half-way across the country, and coming back on August 21 would not give me enough time to move and get to work/school.

So I'm really disappointed, and I'm incredibly upset. I wanted to be able to discover Israel with other Jews, like me in some ways or many, who have never been. I wanted to find out if Israel is part of my future, if aliyah is something that I'll be planning into my path. And I wanted to do it with other Jews! But I'm being punished because I'm making Jewish studies my life's work.

I could cry at this point. But I won't. If you're curious about the detailed experience that I had with Aish and Birthright, you can check out my timeline by clicking here.

Thanks to everyone who put up with me complaining and whining about being ignored, and thanks to those who kept tabs and wanted to hear what happened. On the upside, I won't be writing about it anymore.

EDIT: The rabbi has brought to my attention a program called Jewel, in which women go to Israel for 3.5 weeks to study and travel and do things and stuff. It seems right up my alley, and might actually be more valuable than a Birthright trip, eh? Anyhow, I'm going to explore this as an option, and probably throw my hat in the ring. The rabbi said he could help me get a scholarship, and at that point, I'll be broke. So things might not be all gloom and doom.

I need to get a grip.