Jun 6, 2010

Dreaming of Calmer Nights.

Sometimes I wonder if my wiring is off. I've blogged about my vivid dreams before, these narratives that roll around in my head at night, waking me up sometimes in a sweat, other times in tears or a cry, a yelp. Sometimes the vivid nature of my dreams is awesome, it's like a movie reel spinning rapidly. But recently, my dreams have been haunting and horrifying. It makes me wonder what's wrong; is my subconscious trying to tell me something?

Last week I had a few horrifying dreams. One I won't share the details of, but let's just say it involved death and my parents. The other dream was weird in that it was repetitive, as in Groundhog Day (the movie) style. The dream played out once, with horrifying results. So my mind replayed the dream over and over, trying to fix the situation, trying to lessen the damage and the casualties. But when I woke up, it was still death and damages. You see, the dream involved me walking into a big stone building on some college campus, and in the hallway I spotted this gigantic electrical cable sitting in a pile of water in the hallway. It was sparking a little, but I assumed someone was taking care of it. So I walked down the hallway, in my socks, and there was a spark. Suddenly, a fire broke out and I took off running, flames flying down the hallway, ready to consume me. I yelled for people to get out, I ran into classrooms, I screamed, and people ignored me. The dream ended -- the first time around -- with me outside, watching the building burn and people running out all ablaze. As the dream went on, I handled the logistics better, got more people out, but there were still casualties. When I woke up, I felt defeated. After five re-tries, I still couldn't save everyone.

This week, as in last night, I woke up almost crying. Tuvia had to wake me up, actually, because I was breathing funny and started to yelp out cries. I was in China, driving down a road, looking for something with Evan and someone else, and I finally found it. I dove out of the car, and ran into this building, and there was a gigantic pool-like space with milky green and yellow water, bodies just floating in it. There were women there giving birth into the water, willing their children to die rather than be born into China and a downtrodden life. I tried to stop them, made women go in the water to rescue the babies, but women were also diving in, drowning. I was frantic, trying to save them. Again, I couldn't save them; they wouldn't listen.

Any dream interpreters out there? It's probably stress, but I get an overwhelming sense of helplessness with these dreams. But let's just say, I'm tired of having such rotten, depressing, vivid dreams, because the horrific images stay with me, appearing at the most random times -- like when I'm driving down the highway.

Here's to more restful nights, less vivid dreams, or at least the kind that don't have me feeling miswired.


KosherAcademic said...

I have no advice to offer, only sympathy, as I dream vivid dreams as well. That being said, I can offer 2 things: First, the more tired I am, the less likely it is I will remember my dreams. (Remind me to tell you about my grad school dreams sometimes, about floating about in pages and pages of Hebrew text, using it as a bed and blanket, as clothes, etc.). Second, when you are pregnant (pooh-pooh-pooh) your dreams will more than likely become even weirder and more vivid. At least this was the case for me and for others I know who dream.

At least Tuvia is there now for you to wake up if you need :) I still wake up HaSafran sometimes, when I've had a particularly bad dream.

Suburban Sweetheart said...

Yikes! These are all pretty terrible. I sometimes have really awful dreams, too, though I seem to go in spurts, & it hasn't happened to me for a few years. I don't have any suggestions, just sympathy. Maybe some nighttime tea or something?!

Anonymous said...

Having dreams like that is so disturbing - believe me, I know. Are you taking any medication? Some kinds affect dreams in weird ways. I am taking propranolol for migraine prevention and it causes vivid, sometimes really bad dreams. Good luck in getting some dream free sleep, or good dreams!

le7 said...

I'm not sure what to say but I've had the similar experiences lately. Really terrifying dreams involving terrorist plots, being shot, trying to escape. Not sure. I think it's stress and feeling helpless to what's going on around you sometimes.

I also had my standard, it's halfway through the semester and I haven't gone to class one, and I showed up two hours late for an exam dreams lately. But that's because I started a new semester I think...

Chaviva Gordon-Bennett said...

Reluctantly, I'm happy to know I'm not alone.

A friend, actually, has developed a very astute translation of my dreams that hadn't occurred to me before. Unfortunately, I don't feel cozy posting it here. Let's just say it makes sense now. Of course, that doesn't make the dream any less unsettling.

I need to figure out a way to calm the imagination; maybe that means working myself energy-less so I can drop dead once I hit the pillow!

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