Feb 1, 2008

Jewish Un-Dating and Un-Praying.

For those of you who don't know, I'm presently buried under a pile of snow!!!!!!

But really, I must kvetch, if only for a second, about how it is seemingly difficult to meet a nice, single, observant Jewish man. I think maybe it's because I'm somewhere in this gaping hole between Reform and Conservative. Maybe I hang around the wrong circles. I mean, don't get me wrong, if I met someone in Chicago now and then hopped along to graduate school wherever that would put us in quite a situation. But truly, I think it might be more complicated than one would think. I've met several nice men in the past month or so, all of the Jewish variety, but most either "quirky" or oblivious. Then there are the MySpace messages that arrive with blunt messages stating that said messenger is such and such feet tall and does such and such and happens to be Jewish and it would appear is looking for a committed mate. No fun flirtation, no dancing around things, but straight let's get to the point kind of action. Then there are the people on the train who see fit to accost me at 8 a.m. to attempt to get my phone number and name and other personal details. Fact: I do not, in fact, look good in the morning. I look grouchy and tired and irritable. Yet still, sometimes, there is persistence. I refuse to sign up for JDate again, simply because, well, I met some nice guys, and even dated one for about three or four months, but it just doesn't produce the kind of mate a nice Jewish girl like myself is looking for.

So where does a nice Jewish girl like me meet a nice Jewish boy who happens to be religious (not in an Orthodox sense, but religious and passionate as I am)? I mean, I can think of at least three or four nice Jewish guys I know who sort of -- in composite -- make up the perfect Jewish spouse. But, well, they're all married.

Anyhow. After two advances in the past 12 hours I had to write. And anyhow, Chavi, just remember, graduate school will bring an abundance of nerdy, academic Jewish types. Right?

And now for the daily dose from Chabad.org, delivered conveniently to my e-mail inbox. I particularly like this one, actually.


Do not pray.

Prayer means there are two entities, one entity petitioning a higher one. Instead of praying, connect.

Become one with your Maker, so that divine energy will come through you and into our world to heal the sick, to cause the rain to fall...

A Daily Dose of Wisdom from the Rebbe
(words and condensation by Tzvi Freeman)
Shevat 25, 5768


Beth said...

I'm going to be lame and suggest eHarmony.com. The personality test is kind of fun, and they usually have introductory rates. You can limit it to geographical regions, and religion/faith is an important aspect of its matching generator. :) Plus, you can leave your account inactive, and reactivate it when/if you move for grad school.

lxr23g56 said...


Not that you asked but….

I think despite the perceived down side of your current situation, there is (at least as I see it) also an upside. Namely that you have a certain freedom right now and a drive to engage with your Jewishness, that won’t be available to you in the same way at some point down the road. I say keep that in mind and don’t forget that now is a great opportunity to focus on deepening your observance (whatever that means) and connection to the tribe, in a way that will help you become the type of Jew that’s going to attract the kind of Jew you hope to meet someday.

I know being single can suck big time and I’m not trying to tell you different but I just thought I would point out that it’s not all bad or blah.

Shabbat Shalom

Chaviva Gordon-Bennett said...

Beth: Good suggestion :D I so wish I could avoid online dating sites. There are *so* many strange people out there! But maybe I'll throw up a profile, just to see what happens!

Avi: I agree very much with what you are saying. After watching that movie I so wish I could have a matchmaker find me a nice Jewish boy, but I'm beyond the age of decent matchmaking and I am not frum. I often wonder if it would be easier if I were frum or at least had a solid understanding of where I stand in the spectrum of Judaism. I need to post about this, but I read an interesting article about Conservative Judaism and how it is quite hazy about itself, it's losing many to Reform and many to Orthodox and many think the movement will not outlive the next 10 years.

Zohara bat Sarah said...

Yet again, I feel like I've met a kindred spirit in finding your blog! Back in a biggish city I wondered how I was going to find my "someone." As you put it, religious but not... I'm convinced there have got to be more of us out there. Maybe when you get into grad school? Surely your chances will be better than mine. I used to have my profile on jdate. Even thought there was only 1 guy whose profile seemed real, I kept my profile up, kept checking the site. When I met that guy in person (through other means) I was so embarrassed I pulled my profile. Then I got over it and put it back up. But then a guy I had already met (this time IN synagogue) put up a profile, I pulled it for good. I'm convinced that the only thing I can do to try to find a partner who loves shul as much as I do is to keep going to shul. Yes, its a small shul, but sometimes new people move!

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