Jan 1, 2012

Goodbye, Goodbye 2011!

January 7, 2011 -- Before things got really bad.
Well folks, it goes without saying that 2011 was probably the worst year of my life on this here planet earth. That's 28 years and three months of life, folks. Alternatively, one could argue that it was a year full of incredibly painful lessons that one hopes will lead to a better, happier life experience.

A crippling depression that went largely unnoticed on this blog (what can I say, I put up a good front) that left me in the darkest place of my life. Being here, able to write this, is something that a year ago I did not foresee. Divorce. Leaving an academic program that left me unsatisfied. Moving more than halfway across the country. Falling back into a debt that I'd avoided for so long because life stopped and restarted. Watching my family fall to pieces and losing the right to be a daughter.

So much in such a short space. I wonder how I got here, why I got here, why I didn't fall into oblivion into the dark place that took me for so many months.

And then I remember the positives of 2011. I went to SXSW Interactive for the second time in March. I spent the best three weeks of my life in Israel back in June (save for the Shavuot incident). I ended up in Denver, where the air has given me a calm and peace that I haven't experienced in years. I discovered that the love that people say they have for me is genuine, that I do have friends, that I do have something to offer people, that I am more than the sum of the thoughts of those who have pushed me down.

There are people that saved my life, time and again in 2011. My Yiddishe Mama, The Gelt, Kate, The Rebbetzin That Redefines, Cesar, My Little Brother, and the list goes on and on.

I won't make resolutions or even goals for 2012, because if there's one thing that 2011 taught me, it's that life changes in the blink of an eye, whether we like it or wish to accept it. Maybe it's something that happens with getting older, but the instance of change hits a lot harder and leaves more bruises than it does when you're younger.

So here's to 2012. May there be only peace, light, and answers for us all in this new (Gregorian) year!

Get it!? Light! Lantern?! Come on! Happy New Year!
Photo from November 14, 2011 -- A happier Chavi!

Also, from 2011, my January 1 post that details my earliest "When did you know?" memories regarding my choice to be Jewish.


TMC said...

Goodbye and good riddance, 2011!
Here's to looking forward to cultivating happiness, health and helpfulness in 2012.

Selena said...

You have SO much to offer! Your blog is wonderful and I hope you keep on sharing with us in 2012 :)
Happy New Year!

Life Student said...

Good luck in the war against the dark. Putting up the good front is half the battle; when the front crumbles, the depression wins. I know, I've been there, and I hope the Denver air keeps your head clear and your mood elevated.

Anonymous said...

You're FABULOUS! You will have a fabulous year! You deserve it! Good vibes coming your way always. Cheers!

Hadass Eviatar said...

Here's wishing you peace, health and healing in 2011, Chavi.

Amanda said...

Healthy and Happiness only!

frum single female said...

love the photo from jan 7, 2011

Anat said...

Chavi, at some point, and not on the bloggosphere, remind me to tell you how my life was when I was in bad places, if I haven't done so already... I hear ya, I know what you were feeling, and I hope that for you, like me, a new place and a new beginning will lead to a new, happy, loved, you. Except by us, since we already love you :)

Batya said...

This post appears in me-ander: Practicing Before Getting Back into the HH Saddle. Check out the others and share, thanks

VickiB said...

Clambering out of the darkest places of ourselves only makes us stronger. Kol hakavod to you for pulling together and best wishes for 2012.

le7 said...

You really did put up a good front. I hope the front becomes your reality and this is a much happier year for you.

Anonymous said...

Chavi...I am so sorry for what you went through in 2011. I wish you joy and peace, love and contentment in 2012.

You deserve all and more of it.


Anonymous said...

any time, chaviva. may 2012 be full of blessings - kol hakavod to you for looking forward, and not backward.

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